


I Need You

by DefiFox



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Boys In Love, Crying, Happy Ending, M/M, Relationship Struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:41:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefiFox/pseuds/DefiFox
Summary: Marek didn't take Kasper's decision to leave well and cuts contact with him. Apart from each other, they learn some vital truths about themselves and their relationship.
Relationships: Marek "Humanoid" Brázda/Kasper "Kobbe" Kobberup
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	I Need You

**Author's Note:**

> There are some things that could be better here, but I just had to do something with this idea.   
> No angsty ending since I'm addicted to happy endings so there's that :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The first of January. It’s freezing outside and a half full moon creeps through the dark sky. At the half-conscious time between night and morning some people are still partying and lighting fireworks, while others have already resorted back to their comfortable beds to get some rest in this new decade. 

Most people are sleeping soundly under their warm blankets or curled up against their partners, but not Kasper. He’s missing the warmth that always clung to him during the nights in the regular season and at events. He’s missing the texts and calls when they were apart from each other, even if just for a day. He’s missing the surprise hugs, silly jokes, soft hands. He’s missing his Marek.

2019 came and filled him with excitement and joy, but when it left, so did his heart. Kasper can trace the crying and drinking to smother his emptiness all back to one afternoon when he told Marek he was leaving. The only answer he got, after countless minutes of talking and begging to his stoic face, saying that they could still be together, that this would not break them, was the door slamming shut in his face. 

So the feeling of emptiness started to grow. And it didn’t stop. Not when he saw his family and mumbled greetings before fleeing to his room, not when he saw his precious pets again. Not when his friends came barging in and demanding that he spend Christmas Eve with them, not when a drunk girl he didn’t know kissed him during a big Christmas dinner.   
He’d pushed her away and walked outside, desperate to feel something different than the vast void that seemed to be swallowing him. Cold snow in his neck didn’t work, neither did vodka, tequila, and every spirit he could get his hands on. 

Sleep gives him nightmares, so he’s stopped sleeping. Eating makes him nauseous because every other food reminds him of Marek’s smile as he dug into his meal; so he avoids eating as much as he can. Playing league is out of the question, and so are most of the other games on his phone, computer and other devices. Without Marek, Kasper can do nothing, can love nothing the way he used to. Without Marek Kasper feels like a stranger in his own life.

His bed is cold and feels empty to his exhausted body. Kasper is tired, and drunk. For days on end he’s been trying to convince the people around him there’s nothing wrong, forcing himself to smile and talk, but feeling like a machine while doing so. Now, on the first day of the year his career will take a big turn, he’s already drained. He’s wondering if there’s anything left in the world that can possibly get him motivated to start doing things again, but the only answer is one name, bouncing through his head. It’s always the same. 

A cold gush of wind hits his face right from his window, making his nose tingle and his tired eyes blink away the prickling feeling. Is he a ghost yet? It feels to him like he is, a ghost with a body, left to wander the earth. He can smell himself, reeking of sweat and alcohol and some cheap deodorant his father forced him to use. In five days he’ll leave again, to start everything over in North America. It might help him, but Kasper doubts if it will really make a difference.

The only thing tha-   
His phone rings. The bright screen lights up and Kasper blinks forcefully as the light hammers through the fog in his head. The ringtone is one he hasn’t heard for too long, and missed so dearly: it’s the one Marek chose for him. Kasper had changed the settings on his phone back then, so the song would only play when Marek called him. It’s a stupid lullaby, but it used to put a loving smile on Kasper’s face back then. Now it sends shivers through his body.

With unsteady hands he picks up his phone and accepts the call. His croaky voice breaks through the silence in his room. ‘M..Marek?’   
Kasper’s fighting back his feelings, trying to hear what will come from the other side of the line. This might be the end, but he won’t allow himself to think like that. 

‘Kasper’, a soft voice says softly, almost as if he’s sighing. The familiarity of his name rolling over those lips, being spoken like that renders Kasper powerless as he lies on his bed dead silent. The fireworks have dimmed in the distance, and it’s just him, his phone, and the voice he’s been aching to hear for weeks.

But Kasper has no idea what to say now that he is spoken to again. Should he beg for forgiveness, or simply apologize? Maybe he should start talking like nothing ever happened, although he has no idea how he could pull that off. Unsure and insecure, he says nothing.

Marek is silent too, until he realizes that Kasper won’t speak. Marek’s been given the silence and time to say anything he wants to share, or clarify. ‘Kasper’, he sighs again and he breathes in. ‘I’ve missed you.’

On the other side Kasper feels tears welling up in his dilated eyes. He lets them stream, unbothered by the way they roll down his cheeks like raindrops would down a window. They reach his pillow and mattress and leave dark stains, replacing the ones that are already there.   
‘I.. I missed you too’, Kasper whispers. He’s exhausted, but right now he feels more awake than he has in days, and he scrunches his nose as he smells his own breath. He shouldn’t have drunk so much, not alcohol at least.

They fall into silence once more, but this time Marek knows that Kasper will let him speak, and he uses this time to gather his thoughts. He’s been drinking too, in anxious anticipation of the moment he would have to make this call. ‘I thought about what you said, back then. I didn’t listen to you, because you were leaving me and all I could feel and hear and see was pain and anger. But the moment you left I realized how much I missed you, your voice and your.. just you.’ Marek breathes shakily before he continues, suppressing the waterfall that threatens to overtake him. ‘You leaving me felt like being shot in the chest, and at first all I felt was the pain. But when that faded.. everything was just too empty. I’d lost a part of me, bigger than I could imagine. And no matter how much I hated you and still hate you for what you’re going to do, I can’t live without you.’   
Marek’s voice waivers as he tries to regain control over his shaking body. ‘I need you, Kasper.’

The words hit his heart like ice cold water, violently waking him. Finally, Kasper allows himself to fully give in to the sobs that rip through his chest. He sobs loudly and without words as relief floods his body like the first rays of sunlight after a bad storm.   
Somewhere deep down, part of him is embarrassed that Marek has to hear this, and that part of him struggles to get control over himself. 

Marek listens silently to Kasper, allowing him to take as much time as he needs. It’s not often that he’s seen or heard Kasper cry and part of him cries along with him, but Marek keeps his expression as stoic as possible. He refuses to cry now, not while he’s not yet sure what to think about Kasper, or how to think about them together.

Every time Marek thinks about what they used to be, he finds his heart breaking a little. He’s been trying, trying to forgive Kasper and move on with it, but every time he thinks back it’s like anger and grief flood his system and wipe away all progress. They were once great and untouchable together, able to conquer the world hand in hand. Now, they’re.. nothing, or so it feels.

Eventually Kasper’s sobs get less frequent and he finds himself able to string together coherent sentences. His voice is shaky and sounds so terribly unsteady to him, but he can’t muster up the energy to speak like he usually does. ‘I need you too, Marek..’, he muffles a silent sob in his pillow and focuses his eyes on the lamp hanging from his ceiling.   
‘I need you so bad, and I was so cocky and sure of myself and so confident that you wouldn’t mind being with me through all this… But you didn’t want to, and everything shattered and I shattered. And then I drank and drank and I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep and I just.. I’m so lost’, Kasper whimpers at last as the steady flood of tears tickles his ears.

In the short time they’ve been apart, Marek has found himself feeling more empty than he ever has. In one year they’ve become so much more than teammates, they built their houses in each other’s hearts and lived there together, refusing to leave them until the very end. They are homeless, lost, dying without each other.   
Marek has loved before, boys and girls and others, but never has he felt so sickeningly alone after things ended in misery. Knowing that Kasper is suffering from the same pain inflicted by him tugs at something deep in Marek’s heart and fills him with emotions he can’t even name. He can’t blame Kasper for everything, even though Kasper is the one who started it.

After a tense silence Kasper speaks again and barely recognizes his creaky, high-pitched voice. ‘I’m so sorry, Marek, I messed everything up, so, so badly. I’m so sorry, I don’t know how I can every make it up to you. I’m sorry’, he croaks desperately as his eyes sweep over his room restlessly.

A shuddering sigh escapes Marek’s throat. ‘You’re right. You messed up, and it will take time for me to get over this, but I can’t be without you that long. Besides, I fucked things up too when I walked away, while we could have just talked things out. So.. I guess I’m sorry too.’

Somewhere hidden under his blankets, Kasper laughs. It’s not a happy laugh by any means, it’s just the exhaustion and his high alcohol level colliding head on with the ocean of emotions already filling up his head. Sure, somewhere he can also see irony in the fact that Marek thinks he needs to apologize for anything. His angel, his perfect angel, would never do anything wrong to him. 

Kasper’s laughter grows louder until it rips through his body like a seizure and at some point he starts crying again. Sobs and laughter make him shake and shiver uncontrollably as his mind fogs up again and refuses any coherent thought to enter or leave. Tears stream down his cheeks and deepen the dark colors on his pillow and he just can’t stop, swinging from emotion to emotion until there’s nothing left.

Worry fills Marek’s mind as he listens to Kasper. He’s never known him to lose control like that. When he tries to talk to him Kasper doesn’t respond, it’s like Marek can’t reach him through the loud wails and howls that emerge from Kasper’s throat. Only when Kasper calms down after several minutes spent in increasing worriedness by Marek does he hear the now almost desperate voice silently yelling through the phone. 

Kasper struggles to steady his breath. ‘I’m fine, I think’, he attempts to soothe Marek as he continues to aim concerned questions at him. ‘It’s just.. I haven’t felt this much in such a long time, and everything hit me at once.’ He yawns and turns around, clutching the phone in his hand. ‘I’m also so tired, like I haven’t slept in years.’

Marek finally feels his mind come to rest as he hears Kasper speak somewhat coherently again. ‘Me too. You should sleep, Kasper. We can talk later, when you’re not drunk and barely conscious.’  
Though he still speaks clearly, Marek can feel how his body is beginning to protest and his eyelids get heavier by the second. He has slept poorly, but at least he managed to get some rest before all the festivities in the past days. 

‘I guess you’re right’, Kasper mumbles as he yawns again and feels his eyes closing. He can’t even find the energy to feel offended.   
As he snuggles further under the blankets he can hear Marek wish him a good night, and somewhere behind a massive barrier of fog he thinks he says the same thing to Marek, but Kasper is deep asleep before he can even end the call. For the first time in weeks, he sleeps unbothered by bad dreams and without waking up.

Marek sits still for a little longer, listening to the peaceful sounds Kasper makes when he sleeps. He can’t bring himself to end the call, hesitant as he is to admit that the familiar noise calms him deeply and calls a warm, loving sleepiness over him. He completely forgets to end the call, but it’s all completely worth it when he’s woken up by Kasper’s yawns and sleepy voice the next morning.


End file.
